The night was soft and comforting as I lay in bed awaiting sleep. The drone of the fan was soft upon my ear and its light breeze danced across my skin. The sheets were smooth and cool as my toes slid deeper under the blankets. The pale light from the windows mingled with the darkness creating soft blurred forms as my glasses lay beside me on the dresser. The warm spot on my pillow had a comforting scent that often lured me to sleep. All of this was enticing my slumber. But one lone thing kept me awake. Reluctantly, I climbed out of bed and wandered through the dark into the other room. As I turned on the computer screen the brightness stung my eyes. But I knew if I did not write this down, sleep would not come smoothly.
Oh friend my friend, my beloved friend. I feel your deep throbbing pain. I hear your cries of despair. And in the midst of your growing hopelessness I hear your fearful cry, “I’m losing my faith!”
I’ve been where you are but my path is not your path. My answers are not your answers. Your pain, while maybe similar, is uniquely yours. So I cannot say do this or do that and it’ll fix everything. But I can offer you this and hope that you can take it and use it.
When I look at your life I see faith, strong, everlasting faith. Within the course of one week I saw a woman that boldly declared that she is not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ. I saw a woman that stood with unwavering righteousness and strength against the wars waged against the unborn. And a woman that gently and tenderly led a tiny, precious life to the foot of the Cross. Is this not faith? Can you not see God’s mighty hand at work in your life? Perhaps it’s time to retrain your eyes, to turn them away from the outward things and onto the inward things.
God never promised us a perfect life. No, the scripture speaks of trials and tribulations. It speaks of God’s refining fires. But it also speaks of God’s mercy and grace. Just because your spot right now is painful does not mean He has turned his back on you. I don’t know why you are where you are right now but I do know that He feels your pain even deeper than you do. And I know that He cries out to you, “My child, my precious, precious child. I wish I could show you why. I wish I could take away the pain. But for now, you must endure. But while you walk through these trying times, I’m still here. Every time you shed your tears, I cry as well. Know this, you are my child, my beloved, and I am taking these times and molding you. I am teaching you things that you do not yet understand. Keep your eyes on Me, the prize, that you do not lose your way. Satan is waging battle for your soul but I will not lose you. I have placed my strength inside you to carry you through. I am there, even when you cannot see.”
Faith does not promise us the life that we desire. Faith guides us toward the life that God desires. To us, life means circumstances, where we live, our jobs, our things, our pride and pleasures. To Him, life is truly life. Life continues despite circumstances. It is our love, our worship, our faith.
Spend some time in 1 Cor. Let this book wash you and refresh you. I love you and will continue praying, because all this said, its plain hard to walk.
Now, I’m off to bed. I’m sure my sheets are still cool and the night air will still dance across my skin. As I drift into slumber, I will be lifting you up in prayer.
Awesome, Kerry. And I know God will use it. Love, Mom
This is so well written. You have such a way with words. I know that it will touch your friend’s heart, where she needs it the most. It really touched me. Thanks to your mom for sharing it.
i am the one who cried over and over “I have lost my faith!” and i told it to my friend kerry because it is always a safe place. i have been touched today by this work i read, it has always been amazing to me how God brings people into our lives the very day we need them. and it was that day,,,that very day that my faith had become so very weak i did not know if it was even there anymore. i had made a decision years ago that affected the rest of my life and i thoought i had destroyed myself as well as my families chance for any kind of life at all. i had not spoken to kerry in years. she told me something regarding this dread decision that eased my mind in a way that may have saved me. that my decision may have saved my life. how did she know that?? only God could have led her to say that. and then she has watched these steps i have made that have been as natural to me as anything i have ever done, those of you who know how i grew up, you would understand. to see my little tiny girl want to know Jesus is the highest goal i could ever aspire to, and will one day again be a healer, i have been encouraged by my dear friend kerry. kerry is as goofy as i am, God knows who needs each other. so we ended up back together after a long time. i am so happy about it. she can never leave me again or else. thank you dear friend.
{{{Carol}}} I’m glad you like it.
Thanks Mom & Vicki!